Imaginary landscapes

by Eva

1. A while ago my mom mentioned that I'm always searching for an ideal city that doesn't exist [as a form of escapism]. For someone who lives in Ljubljana in 2010 and has a functioning brain, I don't think that's so unusual. It doesn't mean, however, that I particularly revel in such thoughts, especially considering that I think I live in the best possible time. Escapism for me is never just that, it's a sign that something's wrong and I don't like it. I wish I could be more content with this place.

2. Late-night note from my cell phone: "This person keeps reappearing in my life and creates chaos every time."

3. I've been going through a period when I don't want to talk (or write) about myself because I don't know how. It might have everything to do with the fact that I've been burdening myself with other people's problems (that they don't even acknowledge, oh the hilarity of it all!), which leaves me little time and rationale for introspection. I feel very out of touch with myself. In the past that would've been a very valid reason to pack my stuff and hop on a train, but this time I've decided out of spite that I'm not going anywhere until I'm "normal" again.

4. I'll be in New York next October. It'll be a 3-year anniversary since I first came there. I know it'll be different, but how much different?